Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
