Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
