Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the day after is always just damage control
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
