You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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