Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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