i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
