I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Screwed.edu
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The uberlube is also flammable
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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