i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Less talking, more tequila
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
