You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
