i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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