How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
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