he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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