Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
