you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
