I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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