He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
