just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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