You're completely useless in the revolution.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
