U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
