Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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