If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
