Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
