I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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