Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
