Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
