Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
