she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So apparently I’m into choking now
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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