She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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