I'd wear matching sweaters with you
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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