you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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