walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
