No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
