oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
