i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
