His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
