fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
