Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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