He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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