Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You're like the curious george of whores
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
