Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
