Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
