apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
