Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
