I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
