I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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