i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
