Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
it was like eating out sand paper
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
