some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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