So drunk its hurt
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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