Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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