now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
