My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
