I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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