oh god the rape fog is back!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
