Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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