I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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