I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Sorry about my life...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
