If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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